Google Madness!

With little to do and a head full of caffine, i decided to do this thing i stole from John Green's Blog, which i think is stolen from facebook. Its really fun! As is his book, An Abundence Of Katherines which i just bought for my girlfriend Kathyrn. You should read it and tehn read all of his other books. Quick!

Anyway, you basically put your name into google, followed by a verb such as needs or loves. Some interesting results!

Alex Hammond Loves and i got....'Alex Hammond- frankly, a twat. Discuss'

Alex Hammond Needs and i got...'Alex Hammond has always looked ropey if you ask me'

Im not sure if im doing it right, cos mines not very nice. But maybe the Alex Hammond's of the world are just bad people. So anyway...

Alex Hammond looks like and i got...'She certainly beats that horsey bint Alex Hammond...who I just cannot stand'

Still not going to well.

Alex Hammond Wants and i got...'Alex is virtually useless in combat situations and avoids them whenever possible' Ok, so this is not too bad, fairly true.

Alex Hammond hates and i got....'Probably the one thing that we can all agree on is that Alex Hammond, as well as being a bit crap at picking out horses'

Alex Hammond likes and i got...'Alex Hammond is not that nice'


Alex Hammond eats and i got.....'Alex Hammond is a throwaway child of divorced parents' Im not sure how this result came about, not totally true.

So it didnt really work for me but was funny non-the-less. I dont think there are enough Alex Hammond about, and those that are, are no particularly liked.

Things from 2008

2008 is nearly over. What did i do? Allsorts. Here is a list.

-Moved house.
-Played Bioshock
-Watched The Wire
-Worked a lot.
-Bought a new pair of trainers. They look like the old ones but a bit cheaper.
-Went to a wedding

They were my highlights of 2008.

I wonder what 2009 brings

I reaslised...

...that i have ininvertantly stopped eating any fruit or vegtables. Im not sure if its cos im lazy or i just dont like fruit that much anymore. I used to like it, and eat a lot but i just sort of stopped. My housemate says my skin will start to fall off if i stop for to long. Im not sure if this is true, i cant 'imagine' that happening. I hope it doest im pretty keen on this skin. I hope i start eating fruit again.


I also reaslised last night, in some awful chav-den club that i was the only male in there with a fringe. It was quite busy, lots of people about. I was the only guy with a fringe. Dont know what that means.

I also realised that Havana has gone down hill. Havana is a club which used to be pretty cool. It had a smell that was kinda like stale beer combined with melting paint. The smell wasnt nice but the kind of smell you got used too, and kinda grew to like. The smell was also a bit of a reference point, people would ask if you noticed the smell in that new club? Then i went in last night after not going in for a while and noticed these things. No walls in the womens toilets. SERIOULSLY. Its a toilet sat in the middle of a room. No Sailor Jerrys. No Staff. The music souned like it was being played through a mobile phone, i think the speakers have broken. We didnt stay long, shame.


Thats most of the things i realised yesterday. Oh my girlfriend is good at falling on her face.

More Later

The washing is done. So....


29. Have you met a real redneck?

I went to America once and to a place where people said 'Y'all' a lot, so no i dont think so.

30. How is the weather right now?

Its unusually dark, for 4.27pm

31. What are you listening to right now?


Dubstep, Benga to be precise. Like the hip young thing i am.

32. What is your current favorite song?


Ive been listening to Pulps common people a lot recently, wondering what it might be like to be Jarvis Cocker.

.33. What was the last movie you watched?


A complete history of my sexual failures. It was a great film, better than i thought. It was funny but a little bit depressing.


.34. Do you wear contacts?

Nope.


.35. Where was the last place you went besides your house?


Tescos Metro. Red Bull, Fosters, and a Pizza. 7 Club Card points thanks.



.36. What are you afraid of?


The thing that keeps me most awake a night is the constant fear of personal financial crisis. Which im normally always teetering on, occasionally flirting with. The other day i was talking to my boss about earning a reasonable amount but feeling skint. I realised i felt the richest when i was 13, earning £12 a week on my paper round. Around Christmas time customers would leave tips for paper boys, and i remember feeling like the richest 13 year old alive when someone left me a fiver.



37. How many piercings have you had?

None.



.38. What piercings do you want?


Er, none i dont think.



.39. What's one thing you've learned this year?


How ever much you plan stuff, things never happen how you expect.



.40. What do you usually order from Starbucks?


Latte, extra shot. I was in one a few days ago with my mate Sam and the guy in front of us had his with 6 extra shots. Madness, i could just imagine him taking a sip and his heart exploding.


.41. What Magazines are you reading?


Vice normal. Its free and has that porny kinda art. Oh yeah, porny art.

.42. Have you ever fired a gun?



No, i saw one get fired though once. Its quite exciting.



.43. Are you missing someone?



Yeah, im pretty sure i am. I havent seen most of my friends from my home town for about a year now.


44. Favorite TV show?


I've recently been re-watching lots of Vic and Bob Shows. Good stuff.


.45. Do you have an obession with WoW?


No, however most people i work with do. It seems very dangerous. Some people come to work, having not slept for 2 days due to a WoW binge, then operate electrical equipment. You cant re-spawn in the real world you know.

.46. Has anyone ever said you looked like a celeb?


Actually yeah. I get that a lot, but no one in particualar, they just say i look like someone famous. I have very distinctive eyebrows, maybe thats it.



.47. What celeb do you look like?


Any celeb with distictive eyebrows.


.48. Who would you like to see right now?


Them two women that go to really messy houses, tidying up mine.



49. Favorite movie of all time?


I would say...Dead Mans Shoes. Its not really a classic, but had the biggest impact on me. It made me wanna be an axe weilding loonatic.

.
50. Do you find yourself loved?


Yeah, thankfully.



.51. Have you ever been caught doing something you weren't suppose to?


Yeah, but thankfully never masterbating. Although thats not somthing im not supposed to do. I can do that all i like, im a fully grown adult with an internt connection. Its almost my duty to masterbate.


.52. Favorite smell?


It varies. Tomoto soup, a nice clean vagina, tumble dryers, new books and mint are my top 5.


53. Butter, plain, or salted popcorn?


None, i hate popcorn. Yuk.


54. What's something that really bugs you?


When people know somthing i want to know, and they know i want to know. But they dont tell me. Or i wanna really find somthing out, and cant. And bank charges.

55. Do you like Michael Jackson?


Yeah, hes the King of Pop silly.


56. Taco Bell or Burger King?

Taco bell, although their food was difficult to eat. They did have an all you can drink Mountain Dew machine too. Winner.

.57. What's your favorite perfume?


Im not sure, but am amazed by the power it can have. It can make people instantly more attractive if they smell nice.



58. Favorite baseball team?

The North Side Crazy Whackers. Their not real but if they were, they'd be really good. They whack it like crazy!



59. Ever call a 1-900 phone number?


I guess thats like a porn line, if so, yes. It was Babecast, with 3 other men, and we had been drinking lots of Frosty Jack. It was in no way erotic.



60. What's the longest time you've gone without sleep?


3 Days. I always think im at my best when im really tired, i seem to be sharper and more care free, deadly combination.


61. Last time you went bowling?


2-3 years ago. My local bowling alley was closed down, cos its falling down.



62. Where is the weirdest place you have slept?


Wrapped arounf the U-bend of a public toilet, for about 2 hours. Horrible, but at the time it seemed the only approprite thing to do.



.63. Who was your last phone call?


According to my phone it was Kat, 29 minutes ago.

.64. Last time you were at work?


Yesterday, i did 6am-230pm


.65. What's the closest orange object to you?


Im sat on an orange towel

Survey

I like reading these survey things. And i like wasting time and putting off doing anything constructive. So here...


1. What's your name?

Alex. Simple and free of any gender constraints.


2. What is your favorite thing to wear?

A nice new hat.


.3. Last thing you ate?

A bacon and egg roll from a nice little coffee shop.


4. One place you will NEVER eat at?

Im not that picky so i'll give a silly answer. My mothers vaginal Banquet.



5. I say Shotgun, you say:

Shutgon


.6. Last person you hugged?

Kat. Although i have a problem hugging most people, as i usually get an uncomfortable erection.


.7. Does anyone you know wanna date you?

I dont think so.

.8. Would you date anyone you met online?

Ive never tried online dating so i dont know.Maybe when i lose my hair i will, cos i can just photoshop it back in profile pictures. And i can easily arrange my sideburns to suit the occasion. I would then distact them somehow so they dont pick up on it. I could hug them...

.9. Name something you like physically about yourself:

I have a small bum

.10. The last place you went out to dinner to?

Its been a while, but i think It was KFC. It wasnt nice, i normally eat there with a mild depression looming over me.

.11. Who is your best friend?

Im slightly friendless right now. Im not sure if theres anyone i could say is my best friend, who would say the same back. Maybe Kat.

.12. What time of the day is it?

13.10pm.


13. Who/What made you angry today?

I was angry in the early hours of this morning when i realised i had no money, but then my mum gave me some. Good ol' mum.

14. Baseball or Football?

I dont really like either. But i enjoy kicking things more than i do hitting things. So Football thanks

.15. Ever gone skinny dipping?

No. Im afraid my already skinny and pale body would be more noticiable if i was naked.

16. Favorite type of Food?

Anything i can eat in a bowl, food officially tastes better in bowls. Especially Chinese food.

.17. Favorite holiday:

Christmas is good, its one of the few days where its not only socially acceptable but often activily encouraged to drink in the morning.


.18. Do you download music?

Yeah, i cant remember the last time i bought one of those pesky wafers of plastic.


.19. Do you care if your socks are dirty?

Yes, especially if its that kind of dirty where the become crusty.


.20. Opinion of Chinese symbol tattoos?

Erm, ok i guess. Do what you like.

.21. Would you date the person who posted this?

Maybe, we could compare answers.

.22. Has anyone ever sang or played for you personally?

I have had people dedicate songs to me, but usually its mindless Gabba, so quite quickly loses its charm.


.23. Do you love anyone?

Yeah im pretty sure i do.

.24. Are colored contact lenses sexy?

Depends on the colour, but generally no. I could not find someone wearing those all black one attractive. I would rapidly lose my hug errection if i had one. And normally those are unstoppable.

"25. Have you ever bungee jumped?

No, id worry whats its doing to all my precious organs.

26. Have you ever gone white-water rafting?

No, looks dangerous and damp. One of my least favorite combinations.


.27. Has anyone ten years older than you ever hit on you?

I hope not.

.28. How many pets do you have?

None, i have owned dogs, cats, fish, rats, hampsters, and rabbits. Most are now dead or belong to someone else. They normally die naturally, but i once overfed some fish and drowned a dog. It was very sick and i was growning impatient.

More later, i need wash up and possibilly eat cocopops.

Shoe Thrower!!

So someone throws both their shoes at Bush, and totally missed. Shame. He is a fast mover. He put more effort in dodging them shoes, than he ever did being the most powerful man on the planet.

At first, this looks like kind of a serious crime. If you to throw you shoes at anyone, its normally OK, but at the president of the US it almost makes you a terrorist. However, i think more people should use shoe throwing as political scrutiny. If you don't like what someone is telling you what to do, throw your shoes. Say nothing, just casually remove you shoes and chuck um. Its gonna make your point without serious harm. Unless you throw a Stiletto really fast at a child. That could more than likely kill. Maybe there could be a rule to only throw slippers at children, or even them socks which are also a bit slipper.

Authority

Ive found myself in a work related trap. To move up the ladder i need to develop authority. That means GETTING ALL SERIOUS IN PEOPLE FACES. But thats not really my style. Avoid all confrontation at any cost is what im good at. So these are some ideas on how 'appear' to have authority;

• Grow a moustache. They down side to this means i need to grow a moustace. A nasty arrangment of hair where its totally not functional. OHH, MY LIP IS COLD. MUST PROTECT IT WITH HAIR.


• Get taller. Im quite short, most people i work with/know are taller than me. Hitler was short, but he did have a moustache. And an army. Ive kinda ruled out moustace.


• Get an army. This idea is a little extreme, but could have many other helpful uses. I could invade china.


• Get a tattoo. It would have to be something menacing. Like a chainsaw, or landmine. And i would have to somewhere prominent, like or my face or neck.


• Get a scar. This would defintaly need to be on my face.


• Do some time in prison. It would have to be for somthing serious and dangerous. Not like a sex offence, although that is both serious and dangerous. Especially if you doing it whilst trying to Jet-Ski.

Thats all my ideas for now.